There comes a time in a woman's life where she has to just protect her heart. When the games are no longer intriguing or fun, where she knows what she wants and is not going to settle for anything less. Where she refuses to be an option, even though it hurts more then anything to let go. I love him with my entire heart, and there are moments when I think that there may be hope to only have my heart crushed and break even more then the time before. I have faith in my God, my God is a healer, miracle worker, a God full of hope. However I also believe that he would want me to respect myself and not allow anyone to treat me less then what I am.
I have many faults. I am human. I love fiercely and with my whole heart. I forgive easily, and forget faster. I always believe the best in people. I hate that there are so many hurting, insecure people who instead of figuring out the cause of their pain, bitterness that they take it out on those around them who don't deserve it. It is so true that misery loves company. I am not saying that I am giving up on anything, I am just saying that it is time to stand back, find me again, do things I have never done, work on me, do me, be there for my boys. It hurts. Hurts more then I can even put down in words, I can feel literal pain in my heart, I can feel every ache in my heart longing for him. The tears are endless, but every day is new, a fresh start. All I need is time.
I will still love fiercely, I will just be more careful whom I allow to hold my heart. I will be patient and wait for time to heal my wounds. I will always love him, and my heart will most likely always ache for him to grab me and hold me in his arms. For him to lean over that chair like he did only a few days ago and rub my shoulders and sweetly kiss my forehead. But for now, my heart needs a break, a time out if you will.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalms 73:26
Xoxo,
Nicole
